Need a new holiday destination? Let us help

Bored of the same old holiday destinations? Want to try something a bit different? Let Russ Swan take you on a journey out of this world… Autumn means it’s time to plan holidays for the year ahead, which in my case mostly involves gazing wistfully at brochures and websites and wishing I could afford something a little more exotic than a long weekend at a B&B in Cleethorpes. Budgets may be limited, but imagination is not and this year I resolved to look a little further afield. Not for me the familiar schlep through the airport to be processed like meat products – diced, sliced and cooked in the tin at 30,000 feet before fetching up into a pre-packaged resort experience. Oh no. This time I want to explore some of the tourist destinations that haven't yet caught on. Time to get ahead of the curve. Places like the Fra Mauro golf course, established in 1971 and now recognised as the least played course in the history of the game. Although the green fees are very reasonable and unlikely to even be collected, the landscaping is minimal and the clubhouse practically non-existent. The real problem is the travel, seeing as the place is about 240,000 miles away on the Moon. But it exists, and golf has been played there – the astronaut Alan Shepard hit a couple of balls down the fairway in February 1971, thus establishing the first ever off-Earth recreational facility. There will surely be others. Where better for a suntan, for instance, than the Peak of Eternal Light? Not only is this, as its name suggests, bathed in the warm glow of the sun's rays every hour of every day, but it is handily located closer to the Sun and thus – thanks to the inverse square law – wins big time in the tanning stakes. No more heading to the tropics in search of some rays, simply pop over to the PEL on the south pole of Mercury for a practically instant golden tan. Being only about 40% of the distance from the sun that Earth is, it gets nearly seven times as much solar radiation – and the absence of an atmosphere means that none of this is wasted. Remember to pack the Factor 5000 sun cream. For a more active vacation, the solar system's outer bodies are the more promising. The snow slopes of Mars, for example, will surely one day rival the Alps and the Rockies for the dedicated downhill skier. The pistes here consist of a metre or more depth of frozen flakes of CO₂, sitting on top of many metres of the water-ice snow that terrestrial skiers will be more familiar with, making for a very different and rather spectacular downhill experience. In the northern hemisphere spring, surely the peak travel season, the energy imparted to the dry ice flakes by skiing causes instant sublimation to carbon dioxide gas, resulting in each skier’s track being marked by huge plumes of vapour soaring high into the Martian sky. Scuba enthusiasts will be heading further out still, to the Jovian moon Europa. Here (and possibly on some of its sister satellites), a deep salt water ocean provides one of the greatest dive locations in the known universe. Not only is this water surprisingly warm – especially considering how far out into the dark it is – but it offers the rare opportunity for a solar system safari. If life has become established anywhere we know of beyond Earth, it's likely to be here. There is the small matter of reaching the Europan Ocean beneath perhaps 100 km thickness of ice, but no doubt the locals will soon organise a taxi service. Swimmers are rather more limited in choice of holiday destination. The only known place with a free liquid surface is Titan, the largest moon of Saturn. The smoggy atmosphere and limited visibility here are enough to put many off, and means the lidos and spas of Titan struggle to compete with popular Earth-bound swimming beaches. The average temperature of around -180°C also makes those hardy fools who indulge in terrestrial 'polar bear' swimming challenges look like a bunch of softies. The real nail in the coffin is the quality of the liquid – Titan's oceans are pure hydrocarbon, liquid ethane and methane – meaning that Blue Flag status is unlikely to ever be achieved. Titan has one ace up its sleeve as a holiday centre though, and that is its proximity to The Best View in the Solar System. Its own impenetrably thick orange atmosphere obscures the vision of Saturn, but relatively nearby is Phoebe, the largest Saturnian moon to orbit out of the ring plane and thus the one that gives some of the finest views imaginable. The pair make a compelling two-centre package tour which is destined to make them among the most desirable of all off-world travel locations. Each of these places present challenges to the tourist, especially in arranging transfers and accommodation, but what is travel without a little adventure? I just hope my credit card doesn’t get maxed-out before I get home.