Paranoid over androids

Ok, we have something important to share – and we are afraid to say that it absolutely justifies coming over all ‘1950s sci-fi’ on you. Here goes… Run for your lives…it’s the attack of the killer robots! Seriously…go – you need to run now. There is no doubt about it; we are on the cusp of a metallic nightmare. A stomping, emotionless, laser -firing -from -the- eyes type horror show looms. Hmmm…you are not running are you? Oh, you need justification. You need evidence…you scientists; you are all such sticklers for evidence. Ok then, time to reveal how it came to pass that we of all people stumbled across this plan. The first clue came a few weeks back with the news that a fridge had been sending spam emails. Yes that’s right, a fridge. Now, there are times when even the most optimistic, gadget-savvy, techno-nerd has to ask “how did humanity end up here?” And if this isn’t one of those times, the world really has gone out to lunch. According to an internet security firm, a spam attack which took place over the Christmas period was notable because of the source of the rogue emails – not computers, but fridges and home media systems were responsible for over a quarter of the 750,000 junk mail messages sent. Taken on its own this is nothing more than a humorous aside – yet something else has come to our attention which begins to illuminate this in a slightly more sinister light. You see to be able to send spam, fridges and other erstwhile inert appliances have to be web enabled and connected to the terribly named ‘internet of things’ – simply meaning devices can autonomously connect to the web and earn their ‘smart’ moniker. The idea was that fridges could order milk, or eggs or…not entirely sure we can get away with this…spam. But other than harboring digital nasties, what’s the worst they could do? Let the milk go off? Hardly the stuff of nightmares, and certainly not enough for us to use our booming 50s sci-fi voice. Yet the problem comes when this isn’t enough, when the machines want more. And now that time has arrived in the form of RoboEarth – the World Wide Web for robots. RoboEarth’s website claims it is a ‘giant network and database repository where robots can share information and learn from each other about their behavior and their environment.’ Errrm ok… this is without question the most sinister thing we have ever read. And that includes the last expenses claim form from a member of the science lite team who will remain nameless. The aim of the project, which incidentally is funded by the EU, is that robots will be able to plug-in to a database hosted in the cloud and use it as a kind of common brain. And what of the dastardly intentions for this ‘common-brain’? Well they say it could be applied to an almost limitless number of robotic tasks – but initially they ran a test scenario where several robots helped hospital patients. Oh those hellish, loathsome reprobates. The next thing you know automated, efficient hospital based robots will be able to free up much needed time and budget for highly trained staff members to actually worry about the health of patients. Well we can’t stand idly by as these comic-book villains make our lives more manageable and more productive… oh…hang on. Ok ok…we see how this is panning out, and it does seem as if we have been rather premature with our warning here. But surely a little paranoia is warranted when scientific research follows the lead of countless films where humans end up as nothing more than meaty water balloons for robots to use as target practice. Well, you stay if you like, in this brave new world of robotic ‘intelligence’, but we are off. Off to where they’ll never get to us…if only we could find such a place without having to go on the internet.