Nomenclature debate rumbles on…

It appears that after last month’s rallying cry to all those in charge of naming scientific equipment (The delicate art of inspiration) that something of a split has developed in the room. Many of your thoughts on last month’s lament on the loss of inspirational nomenclature – (we became convinced there is a better name for the World’s biggest telescope than the Square Kilometer Array) – have made their way to the Science Lite desk, for which we thank you very much.

Some of you were more than happy to ram tongue in cheek and have a go at employing the brutalism so often applied to the naming of astronomical equipment to other bits of kit. Whilst others think that inspirational names are alive and well, and we should stop our inane grumbling.

“Inspiration is not dead!” Exclaims Dr Stephen King of the STFC ISIS Facility at the Rutherford Appleton Laboratory. Oh really Dr King? Well you better have some pretty water tight evidence for this – it takes a brave or foolhardy man to go up against the insightful might of the Science lite team. We are, after all, the team that spent a whole week conducting an in-depth study on the, admittedly self-generated, hypothesis that ‘excessive doughnut consumption can only ever increase human cognitive prowess’. (The results, in case you were wondering, were a complete and total incapacitation of mental activity – although it did take a further week for our Editor to notice any difference in quality of work).

So what of this evidence then Dr King? He writes: “When Margaret Thatcher inaugurated the UK’s Spallation Neutron Source (or SNS) here in 1985 its name was changed to ‘ISIS’; the new name reflecting the fact that in true British style the new facility would re-use elements of a decommissioned particle accelerator (in the same way the Egyptian Goddess is reborn every morning). ISIS is also, of course, the Oxford name for the River Thames.”

Yes – well – fine, we grant you that ISIS is an incredibly apt and indeed inspirational name, but may we smugly suggest it is the exception that proves the rule?

No, it appears we may not. “And” – continues Dr King, worryingly – “in 2007, the Queen officially named the UK’s new national synchrotron light source ‘Diamond’.”

Ah. If we weren’t still so full up from all those doughnuts then we’d definitely be gorging on humble pie. Ok, so perhaps there are numerous examples of wonderfully named experiments and equipment - but surely the allure of attempting to satirically re-name some of them could grab even the most stony-hearted of doubters?

“I take your point” Concedes King. “Maybe my colleagues at CERN would rather be working on the ‘Higgs-scope’!”

Now we are talking! That’s the spirit - and you see once you start it begins to get its claws into you. As the boys of Deb Limited discovered. Mike Jarvis, Development Chemist at the company writes: “A colleague and I took great delight in May’s Science Lite column. As invited, here's a few of our thoughts on the subject:

Centrifuge - Planar rotational accelerator Submarine - Controlled sinkage transport Radar - High altitude radio wave bounce detector Microscope - Interchangeable sequential lens ocular magnification device Ammeter - Electron flow rate determinator Hydrometer - Graduated liquid displacement display Atom bomb - High efficiency thermal release particle rearranger”

Chris, Mike’s partner in re-naming crime suggests:

“Large Hadron Collider - High speed, high impact, particle drag racing facility”

Very good indeed chaps - but I think the cream of the crop has to be from Philip Bott also of Deb who suggests the Hubble Space Telescope would be far more accurately named the Far Out Mega Image Maker. We couldn’t agree more - a prize is on its way to you!

So in conclusion, not only was our original supposition largely incorrect, your excellent suggestions have also shown that we weren’t particularly good at the execution of our frivolous re-naming exercise anyway.

Incorrect and poorly executed - four words that seem to so accurately sum up our reputation within Lab News towers.