The delicate art of inspiration

Inspiration can manifest its self in many different guises, shaping the tableau of humanity’s exploits and endeavours in ways that can be hard to piece together. Sometimes with subtlty, sometimes with explosive aplomb – whatever its form, it is written into the make-up of human cognition - one idea breeds another, breeds another, breeds another.

It is a sequence that has led to most ­– if not all – of our advanced technologies and ideas. As for the inspirational spark that sets off this cerebral chain reaction? Well, if it exists – indeed if it can be imagined, for existence need not be a limiting factor – it can be the flash point for a string of thoughts.

Surely one of the most inherently ancient sources of inspiration for mankind has to be the simple pleasure of gazing up at the night sky. It is something that stretches across our existence – a delicate thread of curiosity unifying us with our early genetic brethrens – barely changing yet revealing new things all the time.

Modern astronomy has grown from this ancient seed of fascination – and what an endeavour it has been. The things we have learned, the distances into which we can now peer and the understanding we can now bring to bear on the beautiful images we can see were simply beyond the realms of imagination for the earliest Homo sapien star gazers.

Yet, we on the Science Lite desk feel we have spotted an area of this anciently inspirational specialty that seems to be entirely bereft of any inspiration. And that area is telescope nomenclature. Now bear with us on this, we know that the term ‘telescope nomenclature’ may well strike a cold dagger of boredom into you, our dear readers, but it is something we have been wondering about for a while now and recent news has forced our hand.

The project office for the World’s biggest telescope is to be based here in the UK at Jodrell Bank in Manchester. Exciting news – yet the name of this cutting edge telescope is anything but. There is no way to sex this up, so here it is – it’s called the Square Kilometre Array. “Functional” is really the kindest thing we can say about this epithet.

Surely an instrument as advanced and ambitious as this deserves a more inspirational name? Its mission after all is to answer some of the most fundamental questions about the Universe – including helping to understand dark energy, general relativity in extreme conditions and how the Universe came to the look the way it does now.

Yet the practice of brutally functional names seems well established in the telescope fraternity. There’s the Very Small Array, the Very Large Array, the Very Large Telescope, the European Extremely Large Telescope and our personal favourite in the name stakes – the Ukrainian T-shaped Radio telescope.

Don’t get the wrong idea – we appreciate the completeness and efficiency of the names – but surely something a little loftier would be more fitting for these amazingly insightful and exciting instruments.

Look, think of it this way – what if other great technologies had been named with such naked utilitarianism?

- The Apollo Space Vehicles – named after the Greek god of light and music by NASA manager Abe Silverstein, who later said that "I was naming the spacecraft like I'd name my baby" – would be rebranded as the Hermetic Gravity Beater.

- The Saturn V which so heroically lifted the Apollo space craft on their way would be forever known as the 100 meter Multistage Acceleration Stick.

-  The Tevatron, the particle accelerator in the US which regularly peers in to the fizzing and dynamic sub-atomic world would become the Magnetic Particle Botherer.

I mean we could go on. Actually the truth is we can’t – so pleased were we with Multistage Acceleration Stick that we rapidly became complacent and are now bereft of further witticisms. But why not have a go at alternative nomenclature yourself – lets us know what you come up with – chuck it on an e-mail and send it to phil.prime@laboratorynews.co.uk. The best ones will be published and there may even be a prize in it for you.