Silly A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.S

The dictionary definition of ‘acronym’ states that it is a word formed from the initial letters of other words, but what it actually represents is an opportunity for some bright spark to show off how clever they are by dreaming up a snappy little title for their new gang. Biomedical Scientist Barry Hill takes a sideways look at the growing phenomenon of silly ACRONYMS (That’s Awfully Contrived, Ruefully Obvious but Not Yet Magnificent Synonyms to you and me)

THERE are no other groups quite like the scientific and medical professions so fond of using acronyms to describe their associated organisations and it seems, the more ridiculous sounding one they choose then the better. Furthermore a day doesn’t seem to go by without a new group springing up somewhere to baffle and confuse us all. The World Health Organisation probably started the ball rolling long ago with their rather enigmatic and mysterious ‘WHO’ which now seems to conjure up an image of a dashing Time Lord. Medical science today however is suffering from an influx and excess of silly sounding acronyms that can often detract from the highly serious nature of the intended roles and functions their organisations represent. Take for example the rather elegant sounding ‘NICE’ which denotes the National Institute of Clinical Excellence who are responsible for reviewing all the latest NHS medical treatments and procedures or the absurd original choice for the Committee for Health Improvement, 'CHIMP’ which was hastily changed to ‘CHI’ for obvious reasons. No NHS Trust would in all seriousness expect to be regulated by a NICE CHIMP would they? Within my area of biomedical science we have a few groups of our own such as ‘SHOT’ for instance, standing for the Serious Hazards Of Transfusion. Rumour has it that the organising committee were originally going to call themselves Serious Hazards In Transfusion but had a last minute re-think, can’t quite think why. New kid on the laboratory block is the sinister sounding ‘SABRE’ denoting the Serious Adverse Blood Reactions and Events, so be on guard for them! One haematology group who seem to saddled themselves with a derisory acronym however are the Clinical Leaders Of Thrombosis, who in their right minds would own up to being a CLOT? And fancy being referred to as a ‘SPOT’, also known as a Specialist Practitioner Of Transfusion?

The big questions is however, does an organisation think of a suitable acronym first and then build themselves around it, or is it the other way around and if so, which should come first? It’s a bit like a chicken and egg situation. Surely ‘PRAMS’ the Pregnancy Risk Assessment Monitoring Scheme and ‘DARE’ standing for Drug Abuse Resistance Education are cases in point. Another very oddly named body is ‘BRAT’ belonging to the Behaviour Research And Therapy group and even worse are the evil sounding ‘CADS’, also known as the Clinical Administration Data Service. Whatever you do though, stay well clear of ‘WHAM’ standing for Women’s Health And Mobilisation, who are an outfit certainly not to be messed with, and who are probably well capable of wiping the floor with the lads from ‘SOFT’, also known as the Society Of Forensic Toxicologists. And what about ‘SWAG’ or the Specialist Workforce Advisory Group sounding decidedly on the dodgy side. One organisation that seems to have totally lost the plot however is the National Society of Orthopaedic Administrators who somehow have arrived at the acronym ‘BONES’. Sorry chaps, that’s cheating, try taking a page out of the book of ‘HABIT’ otherwise known as Health And Behaviour Information Transfer, now that’s a bit more like it!

But of course, ridiculous acronyms aren’t just confined to the UK, a quick search on Google can provide you with thousands of worldwide health organisations with acronyms so silly you just would not believe it. What about ‘CAKS’ for starters, the Council of American Kidney Societies. There’s more, fancy owning up to be a member of ‘PIST’ a Spanish organisation for the ‘Prevention Information Sida Toxicomanie’? And of course who could sniff at joining ‘SNOT’, the Sociedad Nicaraguense de Ortopeda Traumatalogica. The most ridiculous acronym by far however must be ‘GOLDFISH’, standing for Generation Of Little Descriptions For Improving and Sustaining Health, surely they are having a laugh? Various medical groups are queuing up meanwhile to be known as ‘HEAL’ with no less than three different outfits including the Health Ecology Action League all vying for this treasured title. But the supreme award - if there has to be one - for the best and most appropriate sounding acronym to describe their group surely must be ‘YAWN’ which is believe it or not, Young Adults With Narcolepsy. Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.

By Barry Hill. Barry has workled in pathology for over 30 years and specialises in blood transfusion and haemotology.