Understanding menopause in your workforce

I do not yet believe we live in a world where any potential new employer I may seek in future would applaud this level of honesty and I simply can’t risk being in competition with another candidate who hasn’t openly disclosed having these issues.

Anonymous

Women over 50 are currently the fastest growing segment of the UK workforce and the average age for menopause is 51. This means that one in eight women in work are of menopausal age now, and this number is expected to rise to one in six by 2022.[1]

While menopause is a natural part of aging, data suggests that 80% of women will suffer symptoms and that those with severe symptoms may require consideration for a condition that is substantial, long term, and has an adverse effect on their ability to carry out day-to-day activities. As such, these employees may be classed as disabled, and employers should be open to making reasonable adjustments.[1] However, the continued reality is that many women remain uncomfortable with the idea of open discussion around the topic of menopause and still fear consequences.

Q: Please introduce who you are and what you do

A: [edited post interview] I’m a senior quality person working in the military defence industry. Beyond that, however, I’ve given it a lot of thought and would prefer this interview to remain anonymous. I do not yet believe we live in a world where any potential new employer I may seek in future would applaud this level of honesty and I simply can’t risk being in competition with another candidate who hasn’t openly disclosed having these issues. 

Q: What has been your personal experience of menopause?

People assume that menopause only affects your ‘lady parts’, and ability to have children, but for some women it’s a whole-body attack!

Anonymous

A: I had no experience of menopause until I suffered from it myself. My Nana never spoke of it because “that’s a private matter”. My mum never really suffered with it or spoke about it. So, when I heard the word, I just assumed it was one of those things that would never affect me.

My only previous experience of menopause was in 2008. I was running an audit with the help of a colleague of mine. Someone complimented the jumper she was wearing, and she burst into tears and left the room! I went after her to find her flustered and in floods of tears. She explained that since menopause had started, she couldn’t help crying every time she heard something nice! She was 51 and I was shocked at her lack of emotional control.

I thought nothing of it again until my own menopause diagnosis was confirmed at 47, but I suspect I had been in perimenopause for several years before that. First came the hot flashes - they would be so powerful I would want to rip my own skin off. I remembered stories from my youth of people dying from spontaneous combustion and wonder if that was how it happened. Then came the extreme irritability and mood swings. Then weight gain, insomnia, hair loss and low moods. But the worst symptom of all has been memory loss and the ‘brain fog’.

People assume that menopause only affects your ‘lady parts’, and ability to have children, but for some women it’s a whole-body attack!

Oestrogen provides the brain with essential sugars needed to function normally and without those sugars I find it hard to think and find the right words. It feels like I’m in fog with a dim torch. During endless trips to doctors and specialists they also discovered that I had tipped into osteoporosis as a result of the hormone deficiency.

Q: How have menopause symptoms affected you at work?

A: I relate to why nine out of ten women in the workplace have said it has had a detrimental impact on their working lives. If I could afford to give up work, I would have done by now.

More than anything, it’s embarrassing. It has made me feel like a shadow of my former self. I make mistakes like attaching incorrect documents to emails, get muddled on meeting times, forget what I’ve told people in the past or details they’ve given me and fall over my words in meetings. I try to mask emotional behaviour like upset or irritability but sometimes it leaks through. My anxiety about these things doesn’t help either - I feel judged by colleagues and find myself ruining my weekends by dwelling on things that have happened that week.

I focus so much energy on making sure these mistakes remain small and insignificant that it’s mentally exhausting - I feel wrung out like an old dishrag, at the end of each day. I’ve had to employ all kinds of tactics so that they don’t have a major impact.

I write down the salient points of every conversation, check everything three times before sending it, and I’ve had to be vulnerable far beyond what I find comfortable. I’ve felt the need to share what I’m going through with colleagues and bosses, to ask for their help and understanding.

Q: How has your employer supported you through this?

When I told my manager in a previous company he squirmed uncomfortably and said, “that’s too much information!”

Anonymous

A: When I told my manager in a previous company he squirmed uncomfortably and said, “that’s too much information!”. He quickly changed the subject. I had only shared the same symptoms I’ve mentioned here and said the word ‘menopause’ and it was enough to make him feel uncomfortable. It made me feel much worse about it all and I felt small and stupid.

My current employer has been much better. My manager was sympathetic. He didn’t squirm and offered any help I needed. He also admitted he had zero experience of dealing with this but was aware it was becoming a hot topic. He encouraged me to share the information with my peers so they could better understand. I suspected there had been talk and that the information would help make sense of things that had happened, so I took his advice and shared with my peer group. They were fantastic about it - curious, open, and supportive. But I still have my reservations as to how it will play out and am nervous about the impact that may come from sharing so much.

Q: As a policy maker, how did you approach this situation?

A: My current employer does not have a menopause policy and as a policy writer and a subject matter expert, I felt obliged to create one. There are many examples of great menopause policies online, so it wasn’t hard to put a draft together. It landed well when it was submitted to our HR head and, although it wasn’t accepted straight away, it was comforting to hear that Group are now considering writing a policy for all of our sites and that my draft might help with that process. Time will tell how this plays out, but I hope it isn’t just a tick box exercise - “we have a policy - we’re done!” It’s about a cultural shift in attitudes towards differences - showing greater level of understanding and support and reducing criticism and judgement. That is something that will help everyone, not just menopausal women. Cultural change starts with great policies, but it must radiate from leadership. It requires them openly talking about it, preventing it from being a taboo subject. It can only happen with time spent training and educating.

Q: What has your experience been since raising the matter openly?

A: I’m dubious that sharing the information has been sensible. Although people are willing to understand and support - which is comforting - no one has yet been given any training on what to do to actually support menopause at work and also, more importantly, what not to do!

Here’s an example of what not to do. When I submitted a draft policy for peer review last week, I received the feedback; “I can tell you were in a fog here, your brain had fallen asleep in this section”. I didn’t agree with the assessment that a few poorly written sentences was down to my menopausal symptoms. First drafts are often re-written several times. This made me wonder how often my menopause symptoms would be blamed for regular events, which routinely happen to everyone.

When you already feel stupid and inadequate, you really don’t need any help from others to feel worse. More than anything, menopause robs you of your self-esteem and the biggest struggle is how to keep this intact. An employer will be a major player in how that unfolds.

Author: After some reflection this author elected to remain anonymous